Dive In

 

Last year I was at a swim party with my daughters and there was a group of moms talking to each other, not paying attention to their young children in the pool.

All of a sudden, a little 3 year old jumped in to the pool and I had a heart attack.

I rushed to the side of the pool, only to see the tiny girl swim away!

I walked over to the group of moms and asked whose child that was and how in the world did she learn to swim so young?!

"Mean Marjene," She said.  And all the moms nodded.  Mean Marjene guarantees that after 2 weeks your child will be swimming and getting rings off the bottom of the pool!

So   we signed up!  Marjene, who must be in her eighties, and her daughter simply take a child and put them under water.  No big explanation.  No rules.  No demonstration.  They just speak quietly, "I love you, you're such a good simmer," and perhaps some other things I can't hear, and send the child off under the water!  And guess what?  The kids swim away!!  This is my son, day 2, who has never swam before!

 

It's unbelievable to watch!

Some kids scream and yell for Mommy on the first day and by day 3

they are jumping into the deep end!

PS- Marjene isn't mean at all.  She barely speaks above a whisper!

 

Sometimes  I think we over complicate things in life. We think too much and over analyze things.  Sometimes we just need to dive in and trust that small voice that says, "I love you.  You are great."

Is there a looming decision you need to make?

Are you afraid to try something new?

Perhaps you just need to stop thinking about it and dive in!

Happy Weekend!



What God Says Matters Most

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day being celebrated or celebrating your Moma!

 

 

I had a wonderful weekend getting some time off on Saturday and being celebrated on Sunday!

Church on Mother's Day always gets me.

Our church does baby dedications on Mother's Day, so we get to see all these precious babies and new moms and I always cry - of course!  And lots of the babies do too!

 

Then our pastor gave the message and it was like no other Mother's Day sermon I've ever heard.

He started by asking, "Are you trapped?"

Are you trapped in expectations?  Either yours or someone else's?

Are you under pressure as a mom?

 

These are things we talk about as moms and in moms' groups - but I've never heard a pastor talk about the pressure moms are under from other moms and ourselves!  And he wasn't speaking at a moms' group - he was talking to our whole church!

 

Pastors usually talk about the super holy mothers on Mother's Day - Mary or Ruth and Naomi! 

 They don't talk about us and our constant struggles to step out from under the oppression of judgment, guilt and comparison. 

But there he was, talking right to the moms in the room

 about our mostly private struggle of feeling trapped.

 

He then asked, "How do we experience freedom in the midst of the pressure, expectations and responsibilities as moms?"

"Yea, how do we?" I thought!!

 

He then read Romans 8:1,2

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death."

 

We are totally accepted in Christ.  We are not condemned.  And that truth is NOW, not once we've proven ourselves worthy, or potty trained our kids, or mastered organic purees for our babies or...  Right NOW we are accepted in Christ without exception.

 

Satan loves to make us feel trapped.  Trapped by other's opinions of our parenting.  Trapped by comparing ourselves to other moms.  Trapped by the guilt of being less than healthy with our kids' meals or bed times or discipline.  And the list goes on.

But all those other voices are just noise.  They are not truth.

"Great freedom comes when you understand what God says about you matters more

than what anyone else says about you."

LOVE that!

I want that freedom. 

I want God's voice to be louder than any other voice in my life.

My identity is found in Christ alone and He says I'm accepted, today, without exception.

Single Mom.  SAHM.  Breast feeding.  Working Mom.  Bottle Feeding.  Home Schooling.  Attachment Parenting.

These are not our labels or identity!

For those who are in Christ Jesus, we are Children Of God.  That is our identity.

And what our Father says about us is that He loves us.  We are His Beloved.  We are accepted.

We are free.

 

Mother's Day is over and my prayer for you and for me is that we will listen to the voice of God above all others about who we are and how we're doing! 

Happy Monday

Tree of Life

I've wanted to write this post for a very long time!  I'm a little overwhelmed with all that I want to say and my inability to articulate clearly my heart and thoughts, especially about these 2 special people, but I'm going to try!!

(Thank goodness they both have blogs, so you can read more about them there!)

In the midst of some of my darkest days and nights with my struggle with anxiety, I would think of 2 friends of mine - Koti and Lynnea.  I met them as college students when I worked in Seattle as a college pastor.  They have since become dear friends.

Koti is a phenomenal singer, song writer, and musician who was in a car accident 6 years ago that left him a tetraplegic - paralyzed.  (I'll write more about him in a future post)

Lynnea is a brilliant engineer who married and moved to the Netherlands to work where shortly after she was diagnosed with breast cancer and her marriage was shaken.

 

Through many nights while my body would shake and I would lay wide awake, I would think of Koti - how is he surviving this massive life change? 

A once gifted musician who can no longer move his fingers.

And Lynnea - how is she pressing through cancer in a foreign land with no family around?

As I would cry and lament my shattered dreams and fears of a less than "normal" life now that anxiety had taken over, I would think of those who had it "worse" than me (so to speak).  I could barely make it, how could they do it?

On one of my worst days that has not yet been written about, I shuffled to my computer and found a message from Lynnea.  She had been keeping up with my blog and read about my anxiety.  She shared part of her story that included her past struggle with anxiety.  I had written about surrender and she related as now, in her struggle with breast cancer, she had to surrender her marriage and husband as he moved back to the US, leaving her alone in the Netherlands fighting cancer.

Her story just kept getting worse.

I cried as I read her message and was struck that her purpose in writing me was to thank me for teaching her how to pray boldly when she was in college.

On this horrible day in my life when I could barely get out of bed let alone pray with any kind of strength, she thanked me for being the strong person who taught her to pray boldly in Jesus' name.

She, who was suffering physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually was pressing through by praying boldly.

It was just what I needed to make it through that day.

I later received a package in the mail from Lynnea.

I once again cried my eyes out as I opened the package and read her beautiful letter.

 

She made me this beautiful pendant of the Tree of Life

The story of this tree is so powerful.  It is about 400 years old!  And is thriving in tough terrain and circumstances.  It is in the middle of the desert with no other trees around it.  This particular type of tree has one of the deepest known root systems.

I love wearing this stunning pendant as a reminder of

God's faithful love and provision in the midst of hard times. 

This past year, Lynnea went to Bahrain to see this tree!  You can read more about it here.

In fact, you should really read her whole blog!  She's an amazing writer with powerful insights.  Her story is incredible and the encouragement that pours through it will fill your soul.

Her blog is Burning Brightly

And she just opened up a shop to start selling her Tree of Life pendants.

They would make a perfect gift for someone you know who is in a desert season of life or has survived one!  It would also make a great graduation gift

Burning Brightly Shop

 

God is at work in the desert seasons of our lives.  He has not left us without hope or resources.  We just might have to dig down deep to tap into them and sink our roots well into His streams of living water.  Hold fast to Jesus and regardless of what life throws your way, you won't only survive, but you'll thrive!

Also, check out Koti's blog - God's up to something in that man's life!

Work in Progress

For 3 years I attended a discipleship / parenting class

and the teacher often said a little phrase that I've come to love!

"I'm not what I should be.

I'm not what I could be.

But I'm not what I was."

 We are all a work in progress!  And even the smallest changes are changes!

I can get discouraged with all that I should be or could be as a mom, a wife, or simply a person!

But I'm holding fast to the truth that I am not what I was!

I am changing and growing and learning all the time.

 

Our backyard reminded me of this this past weekend.

It's not yet what it should be.

It's not what it could be.

But it sure as heck isn't what it was!!!

 

The new grass is beautiful!  My husband and I just keep staring at it! 

And how perfect is it that after the last piece of sod was laid yesterday, it began to drizzle and has rained off and on through the night?!! 

 

It's almost like God is smiling on us, blessing our efforts, reminding us that when we work hard towards positive change, He ultimately will transform us and make us flourish!

 

We originally hired someone to dig up our yard that was horribly root bound from old trees. 

They were to remove all the old roots, fill in hole, level the yard and lay the sod.

They came and used the rototiller on the yard to removed a ton of old roots, but we were sad to

discover that they took a short cut and filled in holes with those dead roots and covered them up with dirt so it looked nice and level and new, but the truth was, under the surface there were still holes and with time, that dirt would settle and there would still be dips and ditches all over our yard!

My husband let those workers go and called his dad to come down and "do the job right."

It was a TON of work for them!  But in the end, they took care of the problem areas, filled them properly with dirt (not roots and debris) and now the yard will be flat and healthy for years to come!

You can't take a short cut when it comes to making life changes either.

If you do, the changes won't last!

Sometimes it's a lot of extra work to get in there, get rid of old junk and get filled up with new healthy stuff, but it's worth it in the end!

Don't get discouraged if change doesn't come fast enough!

Remember - you're a work in progress (like our yard)!

You're not what you should be,

not what you could be,

But you're not what you were!!

Happy Monday

2 in 1

Thank you to all of you who prayed for me on Wednesday!

I had a great time speaking to a group of some wonderful women.  They made me feel so welcome and at ease.  They are truly a unique group of women who are getting it right when it comes to supporting one another, loving each other and being in authentic relationship with one another.

I was rather nervous, but time and again God kept reminding me that I'm a mere broken vessel that He chose to use.  It wasn't about my words, it was about obedience.

I'm grateful that in the Bible, God promises that when His word goes out, it does not return void, but accomplishes the purpose for which it was sent!  My words felt a tad scattered at times and not as "tight" as I'd like, but it wasn't about me.  It was about His Spirit speaking through me.

And personally, it was a huge step in my journey with anxiety to get to do something I've dreamed about and thought I could no longer do, even if I was a bit rusty!

God is the faithful healer and redeemer and I know this was another step in His redemptive process!

So thank you!

 

Now, onto the 7th birthday party wrap-up!

 The girls really wanted a luau party this year with hula dancers, swimming and tiki torches!  Tall order girls!  Since we are re-landscaping (remember the trees?), I couldn't pull off an outdoor party, so I talked them into a little indoor cooking party where we kept it small and simple.

They chose the name "The Yummy Twin Café" for their restaurant!

 

They started by making little cookie cakes where they could, stack them, frost them, and take them home on a little cake pedestal.

 

Then onto making dinner

Stuffed Shells and Pizza

 

We played a little game of Guess the Food.

I got 5 brown bags, placed food in each (chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, marshmallows, cheerios, and cake balls)  I told the girls that we eat with our eyes, nose and mouth.  So they smelled the bags and tried to guess what each was.  Then we did blind taste tests and they guessed again.  It was fun!

 

Daddy switched out the table décor while we played.  He put down brown paper and crayons for the girls to color on during dinner.  The napkins were dish towels.

These little girls were wild!  I thought having a small group would make things easier, but those 7 little girls had more energy than 15 girls!!!

 

Time for our traditional vanilla cake with lemon filling and whipped cream frosting.  This year one wanted strawberry filling, so we did half and half.

 As we sang Happy Birthday, one little girl thought it would be funny to blow out all the candles first!

And it was really funny!!

 

So I re-lit the candles, sang again, and the other little lady blew out all the candles!
 

Each girl left with her apron, chef's hat, cookie cake, and cake pedestal.

A great time was had by all!

Can I tell you a secret?

Out of all the birthday parties I've given, this one was the smallest, most simple - the kids made their own dinner! (I had the girls make an extra pan of stuffed shells that I froze for dinner this week! - brilliant!!)

and I was by far the most exhausted after it!

But the little ladies had a blast and that's all that matters!

Have a great weekend!!

Tomorrow

 

It was long over a year ago when I finally took the step of faith to put myself out there and share my dream and passion for speaking and teaching women.  Prior to being married, I had the opportunity to speak at various conferences, camps, and ministry groups as a young woman in ministry.  After leaving my job in college ministry to get married, my speaking engagements became fewer and fewer and with the birth of my babies, they pretty much dried up!  I did teach a moms group for a season and loved that, but my heart longed for more.  I truly believe that God gifted me to speak and teach and I was beginning to feel like something within me was dying as I was not using my gift.  Through many months of prayer and inviting a small community of mentors and friends to walk this journey with me, I put up this post  announcing my desire to speak and inviting ministry groups to consider having me as their speaker for their next event.  I also contacted several MOPS groups, churches and organizations, "selling myself" and letting them know of my heart and desire.

Within a few short weeks, I was sitting in a doctor's office about to hear words that would forever change my life.

After being obedient to follow God's call upon my life I was struck with debilitating anxiety.

I quickly forgot about my blog post and ministries I had contacted.  I knew I'd never be able to speak to a crowd let alone get on an airplane to go to a conference again.  I was devastated.

But that was only the beginning of my journey with anxiety.  There were many more shattered dreams, losses, and pain that was still in store for me.

 

I started writing my story with anxiety here on this blog as I felt God would use it to minister to others with similar struggles.

I was amazed by the outpouring of encouragement, support and many who offered up their story of anxiety and panic struggles.

There is much of my story that has not yet been written as my path of anxiety took a sharp turn last Summer.  I still don't feel like I'm in a place to share the deepest and darkest seasons of the battle.  But I wanted to give a brief update to say that God has been healing and transforming me in ways I never imagined.  I have hope once again of living into my calling of speaking -  now with a new story to tell of His grace, mercy and healing. 

 

I'm excited to share that tomorrow I will be speaking to a group of women for the first time since this nightmare began.  I will be sharing with them part of my story of anxiety and God's call to surrender it ALL!

 

Please pray for me!

 

I look forward to giving you an update on how it goes!

God is faithful to accomplish His purposes through us and He will finish what He starts!

(you can read my journey with anxiety by clicking the label on the right "a new life" or "anxiety disorder")

The candle is out

Monday night, as I put my 6 year olds to bed for the last time, one said, "I wanted you to take a picture of me on the last day I'm 6."

Already tucked into her bed, I told her, "Moma has tons of pictures of you as a 6 year old.  In fact I took pictures of you just yesterday!"

"No Mommy.  I need one today because it's my last day being 6."

So I ran and got the camera just to take this quick photo

 

She's funny. 

She's become very sentimental lately and wants to save everything for "her children one day." 

Even jammies that no longer fit, classroom crafts, cards - you name it! 

She wants to hold onto it and pass it on!
(I wonder where she gets that?)

 

 

We hit up our favorite ice cream shop yesterday to celebrate them turning 7.

 

 

How cool are the heat sensitive spoons that change color in the frozen ice cream,

only to change back in your warm mouth?!!

Like those hyper color shirts when I was a kid! (remember, I'm almost 40!)

 

 

After a birthday dinner, we had little cakes for some more celebrating.

 

 

Little Miss Comedienne thought long and hard about her wish!

 

 

And just like that, the candle of another year was blown out.

 

 

We ended the evening by watching the video their Papa made them of their birth story.

I cry every time!
 I too am sentimental and want to hold onto every thing and every moment!
But I can't.
Just like the candles on the birthday cake must be blown out, things and moments in life must come to an end and make room for new wishes, adventures and moments.
I'm trying really hard to learn this and apply it in my life.  To be so fully present in the moment that I suck every bit of life out of it and don't need to hold onto it for fear that I've missed something, but can embrace the end and get excited about what comes next.
Ahhh, I'm learning!

2 more days and the girls' birthday week will end with a small birthday party.
We'll be doing a little cooking party that will be toned down from the years past.
I want to really enjoy this one in the moment and not be overwhelmed with too many details!
See, I'm learning!!
Happy Thursday friends!